2021 was another funny old year and I for one felt emotionally and mentally drained by the end of it.
On the one hand it was a year of lows. It was a year of uncertainty and waiting and second-guessing myself. Time seemed to be moving at a glacial pace and I was constantly asking myself: Will the day ever come when I’ll have the life I’m working towards? It was one of questioning what I saw in my future and of letting go and compromising for love. It was a year of sacrifice. It gave way to a tsunami of feelings. Anxiety and sadness and stress and panic attacks. It was a year of asking: What if this doesn’t work out? What if I can’t actually do this? In some ways, it was the hardest of my life.
And yet on the flip side, it was a year of amazing highs. I reunited with my love after six years apart, our relationship is my pride and joy. A few months later I was finally able to show him my home and introduce him to my friends and family. I went to stay with my aunt for the first time in over two years, working from home during the day and watching game shows in the evening. We went to the casino for her birthday and I introduced her to her first drive-thru afterwards. I produced work I felt proud of. I got a permanent job and a pay rise. I also realised that work is just work and I don’t want it to be my life. I want to get married and have babies and be a stay-at-home mum instead of forging ahead in my career – and that’s perfectly wonderful. It was a year of working on my relationship, and working on myself. I started therapy, one of the best decisions of my life. My feelings were validated but I have also learned to think differently. I met friends’ babies and stayed in their new houses and supported their businesses. I rediscovered day-drinking and dancing, weekends away and spa days, ice-skating and e-scootering, enjoyed lots and lots of food, and most of all, we spent more time together.
But it was when I arrived in New Orleans for the holidays that I really turned a page. If I’ve learned anything in the last year, it’s that your life may take a turn in a direction that you never envisaged for yourself and it may feel like you’re losing something or having to give up on something you dreamt of all your life. But if you can open your heart and allow yourself look at it differently, it can – if you let it – take you to a place where you’ll be happier than you could’ve ever imagined.
This doesn’t mean the hard work is over, but it does mean no longer working so hard against yourself.
Going back to NOLA transformed everything. It eliminated any trace of doubt, any concerns and questions, and left me feeling simply: I can do this. The city felt different since I last visited in 2015. It felt colder and less safe, but with just enough familiarity, which I’m sure will come flooding back the more often I return.
Covid was still running riot so we didn’t venture out too much, but it was just the laidback and relaxed couple of weeks we both needed, to just be together and for me to spend time getting to know the little one. Here’s a quick run-down of what we did over a festive period like no other. ❤️
